I can’t chat for long, as I’m at work. Dirk just visited me here, the lusty monkey. He would have humped my leg if I’d let him.

He was whispering that he still wants me, he must have me, he won’t give up until I’m in his bed, my breasts are beautiful, blah blah blah.

I asked him about the blonde who I heard that he’s shagging and he denied it. I said I didn’t believe him; that he probably just wanted to keep his options open, yadda yadda yadda. He kept on trying to kiss me, to touch me but I was quick on my feet and avoided his crude advances.

Is it too much to ask for a simple life? I ask you. Gotta get back to work before they sack me.

Is Google becoming a God? It’s the god of the internet at least.

Sex, draft beer, nightclub, chicken wings… Is this all that men think about? (via Bestweekever)

Get creative with post-it notes, they’re good for more than just making notes.

And if you think that’s scary, check out all the ex-trees littering the walls of author Will Self’s writing room.

And here’s a pretty whip-pic to for our finale:

And we’re done.

The sleazy married cafe-manager wannabe-adulterer turns 39 today. All I gave him was a birthday handshake.

No funny business.

My cousin Freddy is currently enjoying a two week break in Jamaica. He’s staying at the same hotel where I stayed in May. My friend who works at the hotel mentioned that he’d had a chat with my cousin and his girlfriend.

Later on I had the following conversation with my mum: (more…)

I know I haven’t blogged much about my love-life lately, partly because I’m not actually dating anyone, and partly because it’s a bloody mess despite that fact.

At the moment I appear to have 3 suitors:

1. A guy who reads this blog, so I can’t say much about him. He doesn’t live in the UK, so nothing much can happen with him for now. (And it’s not Dr Monkey! )
2. A guy I met in Jamaica, who recently informed me that he wants to impregnate me! Like that’s ever going to happen.
3. Dirk Dastardly. He came to my workplace recently and told me that he still wants me (again). Yet again I said no. He told me that he’d had some doubts about me because someone had told him that I’d made a gesture referring to a blow job (WTF!), but he’d since decided that they were lying about me. He wouldn’t tell me who it was in case I decided to unleash some vengence on the lying prick.