I’ve wanted to be someone else for as long as I can remember. I think that’s even one of my motivations for writing about fictional characters.
Everything about me seemed wrong, even my name invited teasing from my schoolmates. Then I started overeating when I was aged seven, I put on weight and my body developed early. I remember being the tallest person in school when I was ten years old, and I even remember consciously deciding to hunch my shoulders in a silly attempt to hide my chest.
During my teens I would decide to start a diet every Monday, but by Tuesday the diet would be forgotten. I tried eliminating certain foods from my diet, or I allowed myself a little bit of what I liked and found that I couldn’t stop myself once I’d had a bite.
I had a few successes too. In my early 20s I tried Weight Watchers and lost eight pounds in the first week. I lost interest in it after a while though; the meetings bored me and if I didn’t attend them I was effectively paying just to get weighed.
I went to see a Lighter Life counsellor once, but couldn’t afford the fees, and didn’t really feel that eating prepared food packs was going to teach me how to maintain a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life.
The only times I’ve lost a proper amount of weight were when I was working in a library in 2001 (being a library assistant is actually pretty physical work) and when I went to the gym fairly regularly between 2004-2006, and worked with personal trainers. Even then I still had some weight left to lose, but I felt better about myself.
I read about different strategies for losing weight, but none of them really resonated with me until I read this book called Shrink Yourself. Now I’ve read books about emotional eating before, but this was the first one that really touched on issues that I’d encountered, like self-sabotage. Each time I’ve lost weight I’ve felt that I could reward myself by eating junk food.
That’s one of my biggest problems actually. I reward myself with food for just getting through the day, when I should be rewarding myself in a healthier way for actually achieving something.
I’ve always felt that my life won’t improve until I become slimmer. This belief has held me back from doing a lot of things, and I’m fed up of it.
I’m tired of saying to myself, “When I’m slim I’ll …”
I’m tired of feeling unhappy when I look in the mirror or sit on a packed train.
I’m tired of hiding in the shadows of my life.
I want my looks to reflect my personality. In short, I want to be gorgeous inside and out.
But how will I do it? Have any of you lose weight? Does anyone have any advice?