I was doing really well until Monday, when I gorged on sweet stuff from the bakery between meetings at work. I’m not too surprised, it’s natural to have bad days, but I need to pick myself up and carry on as before.

Dirk has been relentless in his pursuit of me this week. He came to see me at my workplace to talk things over again. He feels some guilt, but not enough to stop him from pursuing me. When I’m with him I am so weak-willed, I hate myself for it. I was flattered by his attentions, but it would be wrong to proceed further. He is serious about wanting to sleep with me. It’s a slippery road to travel, and I feel that I have more understanding of why some women are tempted to take the next step.

You know I thought that my monkey post would have been a bit more popular… just goes to show, there must be a whole community of anti-monkeyites out there that I didn’t know about…

I’ve been keeping myself occupied these last couple of days, Yesterday I went to the doctor and was encouraged to carry on taking Prozac as it’s not doing me any harm, and coming off it might cause me to relapse into my darkness again. (And you thought I was dark enough already.)

I haven’t mentioned this on here until now. I’ve been suffering from depression for years without seeking proper treatment for it, but I only sought treatment for it last spring. I tried to manage without meds for some time but I found myself unable to concentrate, stressed and miserable. My doc persuaded me to give Prozac a try. After a few weeks I found myself feeling very chilled, despite the fact that I was going through a very stressful time at work and at home. After a few more weeks I felt more “normal”, but also better able to focus. Prozac has definitely helped me in the last year, but I know that it’s not the best option for everyone. Part of me wants to come off it so I can regain some of my evil twisted edge.

After seeing the doctor I had to dash off to Croydon for my facial and massage. I love being pampered. Then in a luxurious haze I wandered around the area looking for a corset shop (just felt like it). I didn’t find the corset shop, but I did find a very cool goth shop called Time*Bomb. The guys there were really nice, and were also the owners of the corset shop, but had closed it down and incorporated the corsets into Time*Bomb. I’d love to get a proper corset one day for a Dita moment!

I also rejoined my old gym. It was a Holmes Place club, but had been taken over by Virgin. They gave me a good offer for the month, so I’m going to see how it goes. As I’ve got about 5 weeks until I go to Jamaica I felt like I needed a kick up the butt. I was also familiar with that gym so it felt easier than settling into a new place. I went back today and got a kick-ass program from one of their personal trainers.

Having not been to the gym for a while I had forgotten about those little things, like naked women in the changing rooms. Maybe if I were slimmer I would be more comfortable with nudity, but I’m slightly awkward about it. It feels silly to be trying to hide my bits under a towel (while simultaneously gyrating around on one foot as I pull up my trousers) when other women are proudly parading their nakedness nearby. I still remember the skinny woman I saw weighing herself in the nude last year…(why??) For her I imagined that there should be a new type of bathroom scales with only 3 results (no numbers):

• Just right, you sexy minx
• You need to lose a bit, love
• Put some more meat on your bones, girlfriend

Like a simpler version of the celebrity scales.

Who wouldn’t want one of those?

One last thing. I have a new/old addiction: stationery! I’ve got to stop buying fancy pens. I really do.

My bed appears to be a station on the local arachnid commuter network. A few days ago I came across a spider corpse on my quilt, and just this very morning I encountered another eight-legged wonder creeping along my quilt cover.

Is there such a thing as spider repellent? Is it too much to ask that I don’t share my bed with tiny creatures? I know I’m single, but I like to choose my bedfellows!

I did some exercise this morning, for the first time in about a month. I’m feeling very virtuous, but a bit tired too. I worked out to my Pump it Up dvd, doing the Warmup/Aeroburn/Beatbox/Knockout sections.

To do list:
Get rid of spider
Exercise for 30 mins
Do some work…

Maryland Cookies – Aflame

Better destroyed than digested! I decided to burn my last 4 Maryland cookies in a mini-bonfire in my kitchen sink as a symbol of my decision to cut down on junk food in order to lose weight. Alas, I discovered that Maryland cookies are indestructible!

As you can see on the sidebar of this blog, I have about 95 days until my trip to Jamaica, plus about 7 weeks until my 27th birthday. I want to slim down a couple of sizes by then.

I almost joined my local gym yesterday, but discovered that they had ended their no-joining-fee promotion, so I’ll wait until the next time they run it. I can workout at home…

Is what my mum has been saying to me today in her Jamaican slang. Translation = your holiday is over, you lazy bum!

I’ve been relatively productive these last two days. Yesterday I met up with my ex-college mate Ahmed. We always talking about our creative pursuits (he’s an aspiring actor) and he helps me feel better about my creative urges and eccentric nature. I’m going to try to sort him out with an astrology website (he also is an astrology guru). Before I left the house I washed up, cleaned some clothes and tidied up my room, i.e. nearly more work than I’d done in the previous two weeks.

Today I got up at 10am (my alarm was set for 9am), went to the hairdresser’s for a steam treatment, got my eyebrows shaped for a treat, then went home and tried out the Pump it Up: Lose It workout DVD. It was a challenge, but I really enjoyed it. The music was pumping, I got to do some kickboxing-type moves, and there was a bit of sexy dancing mixed in too. The instructor was bubbly and inspiring (not too chirpy thankfully) and there was even a bloke with a dodgy afro! Perfecto!

Back to work tomorrow. I don’t mind. It’s a new year, a new(ish) job, and a new start.

By the way (and I didn’t tell you this) if you know where to look, you can find a naked pic of Daniel Craig, the new James Bond stud. Yes, it’s true – I’m a dirty girl…