Billie Piper is Belle De Jour in The Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Starting Thursday at 10pm on ITV2.

Just wanted to comment on a couple of moments from tonight’s episode; it was quite a funny one.

Danielle didn’t seem to know the difference between a lemon and a melon, so let’s clear up this confusion for her.

<< MELON | LEMON>>

Despite the relative sizes of the fruit in the pics, please note that a melon (left pic) is usually much larger than a lemon. You were shooting at melons, as lemons wouldn’t be so easy to aim at.

Someone else mentioned that a pigeon is like a bird. This revelation might shock you, but I must inform you that pigeons are actually a kind of bird. They have wings and everything, and they’re not bats. (Some people may refer to them as “flying rats” but they are actually part of the same family as doves.)

Meanwhile, Larissa’s desperation seems to know no bounds. In this episode she deep-throats a banana to demonstrate her worth as a girlfriend…

Then she gave Alexy a quick massage when asked why he should take her out for a date (again). He took the bait and appeared to be getting very close to her in the hot tub… He looked like the cat who got the cream while he was in there with the other girls too, enjoying underwater footsie, hand-holding, and backside caresses. It’s all getting rather indecent at the farm.

Chantelle was sent home at the end, for not playing along with the challenges. I can’t blame her really, I wouldn’t want to skin a rabbit or pluck a pigeon for dinner… She was a real character, I don’t think the show will be quite the same without her pouting.

Prude holds library sex-ed books hostage

How to survive in prison

And tips for becoming gorgeous (my personal favourite is #11)

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Here’s one of my favourite vids (Around the World by Daft Punk). Just cos I wanna.

I’ve just found out that the Robin Thicke gig happening next Tuesday is sold out. They still had tickets last Friday. Oh well.

I was starting to think about going solo as everyone I knew either a) wasn’t into him, b) had no money, c) had already been to the recent Prince concerts and didn’t want to bother with poor old Thicke.

Not to worry, I’ll play his albums loud on Tuesday night and pretend he’s serenading me.

I don’t think I’ll have so much trouble seeing Patrick Stewart in Macbeth. One of my actor friends will come along. And I love Macbeth – I studied it in school, and I’m looking forward to seeing the witches and madam herself, the wonderful Lady MacBeth (Out, out, damn’d spot, etc.). Plus the murder scene.

I remember seeing the Roman Polanski interpretation at school; 12 years later I can still recall the sight of a naked Keith Chegwin when he was a mere lad…

What does the Boss want us to do this time, Timmy?