UPDATE: This appears to have been a hoax, and the News of the World have now removed the article from their site. I am sorry if this blog post caused any upset to Larissa.

According to an article in today’s News of the World, Larissa Summers, the naughtiest contestant in Dirty Cows, was born a male. I didn’t realise until I saw Paul’s comment, and then got the newspaper to read it for myself.

Anyway, I’m 100% woman, and I’d love to look half as sexy as Larissa.

So here we are, at the end of our journey into the farmyard adventure. Which girl will win the affections of lechy Alexy? Claire, Keeley or Larissa? (more…)

Just a quick summary of the last two episodes of Dirty Cows before next week’s finale.

Last week’s episode centred around cow milking. Unfortunately where there are cows you’ll also find loads of manure… (more…)

Just wanted to comment on a couple of moments from tonight’s episode; it was quite a funny one.

Danielle didn’t seem to know the difference between a lemon and a melon, so let’s clear up this confusion for her.

<< MELON | LEMON>>

Despite the relative sizes of the fruit in the pics, please note that a melon (left pic) is usually much larger than a lemon. You were shooting at melons, as lemons wouldn’t be so easy to aim at.

Someone else mentioned that a pigeon is like a bird. This revelation might shock you, but I must inform you that pigeons are actually a kind of bird. They have wings and everything, and they’re not bats. (Some people may refer to them as “flying rats” but they are actually part of the same family as doves.)

Meanwhile, Larissa’s desperation seems to know no bounds. In this episode she deep-throats a banana to demonstrate her worth as a girlfriend…

Then she gave Alexy a quick massage when asked why he should take her out for a date (again). He took the bait and appeared to be getting very close to her in the hot tub… He looked like the cat who got the cream while he was in there with the other girls too, enjoying underwater footsie, hand-holding, and backside caresses. It’s all getting rather indecent at the farm.

Chantelle was sent home at the end, for not playing along with the challenges. I can’t blame her really, I wouldn’t want to skin a rabbit or pluck a pigeon for dinner… She was a real character, I don’t think the show will be quite the same without her pouting.

I don’t know who is going to be the winner of Dirty Cows, but according to this article, the hostess has kept the meal to herself. Yep, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Alexy Van Kimmenade are dating, and were getting close even during the filming of the show!

I had a feeling that there was some chemistry between them, and the very perceptive Salty predicted it in a recent comment, but I wouldn’t have expected them to get together so soon…

It’s Mr Right all over again! Though let’s hope it doesn’t have the same ending.

I’ll still watch the show for its bitchiness and entertainment value, but I don’t think I’ll bother with the blow-by-blow reviews, unless anyone really wants me to continue.

Disclaimer: my lawyers have asked me to confirm that Alexy, Tara and Living TV all deny that T&A are dating…

Maybe an alternative title for this particular episode should be The Larissa Show…

Larissa admitted that Alexy had snogged her, but there were “no tongues”… Alexy said to Tara that “Larissa is lust”…

This week’s challenge for our dirty cows would be based on their participation in the local village fête to raise funds for the church roof.

Tara decided to divide the eight remaining girls into two groups of four based on that eternal division: blondes vs brunettes. The blondes would make cornish pasties, and the brunettes would make strawberry jam to sell at the fête.

During a talk with a member of the community, the lady said that the aim was to raise £3,000, which apparently wasn’t much in London but was a lot to them. A couple of the girls nodded at that statement, which made it clear to me that some of these girls are living a completely different life from someone like me. Trust me, £3,000 is a lot of money to this London girl!

Then the girls got down to work. One of the blondes remarked that “[she] works better on her knees” - I shall make no comment on that statement!

Later on the girls played Spin the Bottle with Tara (not the kissing version, but the truth-telling one). At this point most of the girls suggested that Larissa was the biggest flirt of them all and the sexiest one. Larissa admitted that she hated being single, which was a surprise for Tara based on Larissa’s confident attitude so far.

A while later Larissa (supported by Judi) addressed the camera on her own and cried a little, saying that the other girls were being harsh on her.

The next day she wore less makeup and wore more appropriate clothing. She seemed rather more subdued and self-conscious.

In contrast Tara looked very striking in an elegant black outfit, with a large hat and several strings of pearls around her neck.

Part of the second part of the challenge, selling the food that they’d made, was being friendly, assertive saleswomen. The rain didn’t stop the girls from flirting with the local men - though none of them were as hot as Alexy.

The brunettes didn’t have much luck with their jam, as they realised that most of the locals made their own. Even with that setback, the blondes attempted to sabotage them by telling potential customers that the jam was laced with pesticides…

The blondes sold the most, offloading lots of their “nasty pasties”, and were rewarded with a round at the pub while the brunettes were left to help with cleaning up at the end of the fête.

Ms Cardiff Claire won a date with Alexy, which was a private pottery lesson with him. (Of course Larissa said again how envious she was about it.) Alexy and Claire were both making tentative overtures during their date, admitting their mutual attraction. They ended up play-fighting with the clay, then as they wiped it off he swooped in for a snog.

When Claire returned to the Cowshed she was ill-prepared for the interrogation that she received from the others. It got a bit catty for a few minutes, but as they say, all’s fair in love and war!

Later Judi was eliminated from the competition, as Alexy didn’t feel any chemistry between them. Some of the girls were sad about her departure as she had been such a positive influence in the house. Ironically Judi had predicted her own elimination during the Spin the Bottle game, when asked who would leave the house next she had diplomatically given her own name.

Contestants names: Claire, Chantelle, Danielle, Hannah, Judi, Keeley, Larissa, Tazmin, and Thea.

This week’s challenge was sheep herding, corralling and shearing. A couple of the girls protested that they hated sheep, or were scared of animals in general, which didn’t bode very well.

The first part of the challenge was the sheep herding. One girl kept her sunglasses on during her turn, though she had at least taken her earrings off to “avoid scaring the sheep”.

Alexy seemed to be paying a lot of attention to the second team of girls, which included the glamour model Larissa, with whom he’d enjoyed a date last week. Alexy also admired Larissa’s boobs several times during the episode…

After the first part of the challenge Keeley sneaked away with Alexy on his quad bike. He took her to a quiet place to show her his estate and to talk some more. He asked her whether she could imagine herself living there, and she seemed a bit unsure of how she could fit in there. Finally he complimented her “backside”.

When Keeley returned to the Cowshed (the girls’ accommodation) she bent the truth a bit, and said that she had not been able to say much to Alexy…

Later on, Alexy brought in pizza for dinner, said he needed a girlfriend, and suggested they play strip-poker! Methinks he is getting used to his “harem of heifers”! Lusty Larissa made a comment about her nipples tingling…

The girls were instructed to wash Alexy’s Land Rover, a few of them didn’t bother to help because it had been drizzling and they thought it wasn’t worth the hassle in the rain. The others got stuck in. Larissa decided to wear hot pants and enjoyed getting wet and soapy in front of Alexy.

The second part of the challenge was the sheep shearing. Most the girls got stuck in, and look pretty difficult to grab a sheep and hold it still while shearing. Tara helped Chantelle (who was crying due to her fear of sheep). Later she complained that she’d lost an eyelash…

Poor Tara, our countryside cupid, developed a severe wool allergy and had to be rushed to hospital.

Keeley’s bravery at being the first girl to shear a sheep paid off, as she was chosen as the challenge winner. She won immunity from eviction and some pampering treatment, including a massage. The other girls had to remove maggots from sheeps’ butts - nice!

Alexy chose Tazmin to have a date with him, which turned out to be a hot balloon ride. They seemed to enjoy each other’s company, but I’m not sure if there was much chemistry between them.

Back at the Cowshed, Larissa admitted being envious, and wanting the date for herself. Don’t we all, love!

Later on, as Alexy was having a pre-eviction chat with Tara, he admitted that his current favourites were Keeley, Claire, Larissa and Tazmin.

Thea was sent home. Alexy said that she’d done well at the tasks, but she hadn’t focussed enough on him. As she left the barn she lifted up the back of her skirt to reveal her cow-print knickers!

Wow, my recent post about Dirty Cows was quite popular after being featured on StumbleUpon. Thanks to Bluest Butterfly for listing it on her blog too.

So I watched the first episode last night, and enjoyed it immensely.

We met the gorgeous farmer, Alexy Van Kimmenade, and the ten pampered city babes. Amongst them were a glamour model and a Miss Wales. I can’t remember many of their names at this point.

After meeting Alexy, the girls were installed in their new home; a barn with very basic living amenities. It was amusing to see how disappointed they were with their living arrangements, but they soon pulled together to organise the cooking and cleaning rotas.

The next day it was time for the challenges. As the cock crowed at day-break only one girl was up and ready to work, the rest were still in bed. Alexy had to wake them up.

The girls’ regular morning chores would include cleaning out the stables, and collecting chicken eggs. Poor lasses!

Later on the girls had to search for worms in a heap of manure to use for fishing bait. Miss Wales (I think her name was Laura) didn’t even get near to the poo.

After that the girls went fishing…

I won’t say any more as I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who is planning to watch the repeat, but it was fun, and I’d watch it again.

Feel free to comment on the show below if you also watched it; I know that there isn’t a forum for this particular show on Living TV’s site yet.

Read Week 2

Is this the perfect reality-tv show? Appearing to be some kind of mashup of Joe Millionaire and The Farm, Dirty Cows features 10 city girls (they forgot me) competing in the countryside for the affections of Britain’s most eligible young farmer, Alexy Van Kimmenade. It’s going to get mucky!

Every time I see the advert I start to chuckle. I wish I could youtube it but I don’t have the equipment. Trust me, it’s funny.

The show is presented by former IT Girl, Tara Palmer Tomkinson, and it starts tomorrow evening on LivingTV.

UPDATE: Weekly episode reviews

UPDATE 2: Read my review of the show’s finale