The other day I came across a post on Liane’s blog about a list of 1001 books which apparently must be read before we all die. I’ve only read 21 of those books so far, and only recognised the other ones which had been made into movies. The shame of it.

Thinking about it though, quite an industry has been created in the world of books and lifestyle television to extoll the importance of reading a certain 1001 books, of visiting 1001 particular places, of viewing 1001 paintings, etc. Obviously it wouldn’t be reasonable to expect someone to watch 1001 movies, but if someone were interested in doing so it would have to become their life’s work. No marriage could survive the pressure of visiting 1001 gardens or 1001 natural wonders; no normal career could accommodate such a task.

So are these books an impossible challenge or a burden? As we age will we look upon that hardback book on our coffee table and like the clich� says, regret all the things that we haven’t done? Will we really care that we haven’t swum with dolphins or read Ulysses?

Maybe I’m thinking too deeply about this issue, perhaps they are simply an easy way to experience those experiences vicariously. Instead of reading 1001 books, we can read or just dip into this single tome and feel more informed and enlightened. Instead of visiting Monét’s garden in Giverny, we can look at a double-paged spread of the Bridge over a Pool of Water Lilies, and express the notion that one day we’ll go there and see it for ourselves. Instead of going to the Louvre to see the Mona Lisa, we can admire her from oceans away (though I can confirm that it’s definitely not the same as seeing that little portrait in person).

In addition to what we can do in person, we are able to enjoy a sort of virtual experiencing. We can imagine ourselves in any situation, in any place which has been recorded in ink or online. There may be a time when we may not need to leave our homes to explore the world via virtual reality. Imagine it; I could visit the Grand Canyon, while Becca from Chicago checks out the Tower of London. Sounds cool, but I prefer to give my passport an airing from time to time. Real experience may be limited, but it’s never limiting. It’s the usual message of quality over quantity.

I decided to search the Itunes shop for songs entitled Before you die, and came across the following song by a guy called Mr Moods. I listened to his album and ended up buying the whole thing, it’s a chilled-out mélange of trip-hop and hip-hop.

Mr Moods: Before You Die

It’s true what they say: If you want something done, ask a busy person. Two years ago I was that busy person, and I got so much done. Now I’m working part-time, and I can barely get out of the bed these days.

Time, like money, is a luxury, and like money it can be squandered unwisely. I’ve haven’t been to work for the past nine days, and my only real achievements during that time are watching Heroes Season 2 and a few eps of Weeds Season 2. I can’t be totally surprised as I didn’t have a plan. Without a plan it’s easy to succumb to the temptation of daytime television, random websites and calls from sailors instead of concentrating on moving forward with my life.

My birthday has become a time when I think about my life direction. Since my 25th birthday I’ve been stressing about my 30th. There’s still a part of me that feels that my life should be sorted by then, that I should have a flat and a creative career, regular holidays abroad and perhaps Daniel Craig as my naked butler. Is that too much to ask for?

My mother cruelly keeps on reminding me that I’m returning to work tomorrow. It’s going to be hell, but I can look forward to the weekend at least.

If I’d had some money I might have gone to Europe or even Scotland, but my credit card bill is still on my mind.

My mum has also been on holiday for the last two weeks, which has been a factor in my declining level of sanity.

Vid: We Gotta Get Out Of This Place by The Animals

I can’t sleep. It’s nearly four am.

I know that I’ve neglected this blog recently, and it also feels like I’ve been neglecting myself too.

I’m really starting to dislike my job; every day it feels harder to drag myself there.

I don’t feel like my life is going to improve, like all I’ve got to look forward to is another 40-50 years of tedium. And yet there’s a tiny voice inside of me that believes that I can change my life for the better.

I constantly feel underestimated. I also feel that several people are taking advantage of me on a regular basis. It’s got to stop.

One of my issues is that I often let people get away with a certain amount before I make a fuss. I hate to create conflict, so I end up leaving it until all that bottled-up resentment erupts from deep inside of me.

I feel like I’m always doing favours for other people, but rarely does anyone help me when I need a hand. People will take and take and take and not think about my feelings or needs.

I’ve started to realise that I want to be self-employed. I want to be my own boss. Administration is a very humbling occupation; not only do you have to manage your own workload, but you often have to foresee and sort out problems caused by other people, usually without broadcasting that you’ve saved the day (yet again).

I often feel patronised by people who seem to think I’m an idiot because I’m "only" a receptionist-cum-secretary-cum-PA-cum-general dogsbody. Sometimes the smugness from certain people drives me into a secret rage. I also feel annoyed when people who seem to be chronically disorganised mess up my workload with last-minute tasks which they should have told me about earlier.

Administrators are the invisible heroes in every industry; as someone said to me recently: Administration only attracts attention when it’s not working properly. If you come into contact with an Administrator, treat them with respect – they really deserve it.

I’ve worked in Admin since 2002, and before that I worked in retail/customer service. I think it’s time for me to move on.

Mariah Carey: Outside

It’s hard to explain
Inherently it’s just always been strange
Neither here nor there
Always somewhat out of place everywhere
Ambiguous
Without a sense of belonging to touch
Somewhere halfway
Feeling there’s no one completely the same

Standing alone
Eager to just
Believe it’s good enough to be what
You really are
But in your heart
Uncertainty forever lies
And you’ll always be
Somewhere on the
Outside

Outside by Mariah Carey

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One of the best aspects of my job is that it gets me out of the house a few days each week. I get to commute to work by train, and mix with a variety of London folk. Each day is different, and all these little snippets of experience help to define *my* London life. (more…)