pretty much what i thought. am geting more reclusive as the years go on though. will take the test...
Hors de Prix / Priceless
Thursday, 10th July 2008, 3:43pmYesterday afternoon I ventured out into the torrential London rain in order to watch Hors de Prix (also known as Priceless) in one of the few cinemas that are still showing it this week. I’d never been to the Cineworld in the Trocadero before, and I loved the comfy seats. It felt quite decadent to be watching a rom-com about gold-diggers in the French Riviera while the rain beat down on the streets outside.
Priceless introduces us to Jean (Gad Elmaleh), a hotel bartender and dog-walker. I loved the beginning scenes when we saw him being dragged along by a massive group of pooches, then returning the dogs to their pampered and eccentric owners. His expressive blue eyes told a story of polite servitude and latent bewilderment.
One night he falls asleep whilst on duty in the barroom and is mistaken for a rich playboy by Irène (Audrey Tatou). Utterly impressed with this gorgeous creature he plays along and several drinks later they enjoy a passionate romp in a vacant hotel room. A year later she returns to the hotel with her benefactor, and after another illicit rendez-vous with Jean she receives the double blow of getting dumped by her benefactor after he saw her with Jean, but also finding out that Jean was only a hotel employee.
Jean pursues her and supports her for a short time, but she cruelly spends his savings like water and leaves him with nothing but the memories of their brief time together. Luckily for him, a rich widow decides to make him her boy toy. Irène also finds a new mark, and as both couples are staying at the same hotel, Irène and Jean steal moments away from their benefactors while their friendship flourishes. Irène gives Jean tips on how to get the most of his arrangement with Madeleine, and he proves a quick learner when he manages to score a watch worth 30,000 euros.
The ending isn’t a surprise, but the journey there is hilarious and heart-felt. Throughout the movie it’s clear that Jean would do anything for Irène, but it took some time for the ice around Irène’s heart to melt for him. No judgement was made about the morality of sleeping with people for money and gifts, but it was clear that both Madeleine and Jacques had their eyes open and knew that they weren’t buying love, they were buying companionship.
Gad Elmaleh and Audrey Tatou were the perfect double act. Though Tatou was excellent as the cruel gold-digger, it was a real treat for me to watch Elmaleh. His rendition of the hapless, love-sick Jean was pitch-perfect. His charm was infectious and those big blue eyes certainly melted my heart a little.
I’ve only seen Tatou playing very different characters to Irène in Amelie and Dirty Pretty Things , but she nailed the part. She looked so tiny in her gorgeous dresses. The only outfit I didn’t like was the black dress she wore during the climatic scenes at the end, which was slashed in the front down to her stomach and was very revealing but not at all flattering.
I’ve heard rumours of a possible American remake, which I think would be a terrible idea. A lot of the film’s charm comes from its innate Frenchness, and I don’t think it would translate well.
Urban Recluse Rating: 
“The Boleyn Whores”
Sunday, 6th July 2008, 5:52pm(I started this review ages ago when I first watched the film at the cinema, but as the DVD has been released recently I thought it would be timely to publish this now.)
In the first scene in The Other Boleyn Girl we see the Boleyn children running through a lush field while their parents follow at walking pace. Though both girls are clearly very young at that stage, their parents are already thinking about potential marriages for them both.
Thomas Boleyn says that he’s setting up a marriage for Mary with a local merchant’s son, but he hasn’t decided on Mary’s match. Though Mary is probably the prettiest of the two girls, Anne has a great deal of potential. He makes his feelings clear when he says: “To get ahead in this world, you need more than fair looks and a kind heart.” I wondered if it was reasonable for a father to label his children in such a way, and if perhaps this became a self-fulfilling prophecy when the girls grew up and seemed to behave in the way that their father had declared.
Though Henry VIII was already married to Catherine of Aragon, Thomas Boleyn (with the help of a devious relative) sets up Anne as a potential mistress for the king. However, Henry’s attention falls on Mary and she is brought to court to become Henry’s mistress, despite her recent marriage.
Then Anne returns from her exile in France, and as they say, the rest is history…
There were some excellent performances in the movie, which was very well-cast. Scarlett Johansson was very good as the kind-hearted woman who won the respect of the king. I wasn’t impressed with Natalie Portman’s performance until her character became queen and experienced the pressure to produce a male heir.
I had always thought of Henry VIII as a repulsive troll, but Eric Bana transformed him into a sexy, dangerous king whose reactions to each of the Boleyn sisters were very different, though equally emotive.
Rating: 
Builders’ Cracks
Friday, 4th July 2008, 2:07pm
At the moment I’m in the office listening to a group of builders erecting scaffolding outside. They’re a jolly bunch, with their bare shirts and hairy chests, playing Capital FM and making jokes about their giant penises (partially for my benefit I think, as my open window allows me to hear them quite clearly).
My boss sent me outside a few minutes ago to check on their schedule - I think they thought I was going to tell them off about their noisiness or ribaldry. Of course that was the last thing on my mind. 
Eat me and other quizzes
Thursday, 3rd July 2008, 9:19pmInspired by SamuraiFrog
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
Froggy could feed 3 more cannibals.
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
Looks like I need to revise my robotics.
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
I’ve only had one cup of tea today!
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
Sure, but I’d probably be trying to kill myself if I was stuck with my folks for 90 days.
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
That’s comforting.
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
But, but.
Dissociation
Monday, 30th June 2008, 1:17pmI started working when I was sixteen, and I have always had a job since then. I’ve progressed from working for £2.45 an hour in Kwik Save, to becoming an office manager with a £25k salary.
Most of the time my work has supplemented my studies or creative endeavours. I’ve had a couple of jobs that I’ve enjoyed, or at least I’ve enjoyed their perks (working in the cinema, arts centre and library), but most of my jobs haven’t been fun or fulfilling. At the same time, working has taught me about responsibility, time management, working with others and has provided me with some financial freedom.
Right now I’m working in a counselling centre, and I should feel good about that. I used to feel good about the fact that my work was connected to helping people in need, but I currently feel really unconnected to the overall worth of my job, and its contribution to society. All I can see are the mundane tasks set before me, the endless letters, and phonecalls, and statistics and “I’m sorry to bother you but…” and the rest. It’s like I’m the hamster spinning on the wheel, and I can’t get off. I’m hungry, unfocussed and need a break but as there’s no one to relieve me I have to stay in the office for 7 hours straight.
It’s been a slow process, but I think the turning point was the trip to Jamaica in May 2007. I don’t know why that’s the turning point, but since I returned from that trip I’ve been less happy about working here and less productive (though I still get the necessary work done).
I guess there’s a kind of irony that a couple of years ago part of my job was to motivate disaffected workers, and now I’m the unmotivated employee. I need to quit. I’ve been planning to hand in my notice at the beginning of September, as I can take some annual leave in August and find another job. I wish I could do it sooner.
The Good, The Bad, and The Happening
Sunday, 29th June 2008, 10:19pmUsually I start a movie review with a brief summary of the plot, then I give my reactions, but I feel like changing that method for this particular movie.
At the end of the movie, as the credits began to roll, my friend asked me if I thought that there would be an extra scene after the credits. My logical mind started to answer that based on the final scene I didn’t think there was more to add. In fact the final scene could have been used as a post-credits addition. But instead, rendered weary and depressed by the movie, I said, “I don’t care, I’ve had enough of this movie. Let’s go, now.”
Then a guy got up from his seat on the other side of the cinema and started shouting and gesturing as he walked down the stairs, “That was a crap movie. The worst film I’ve ever seen.” His girlfriend smirked as she followed him out.
My overall opinion is that The Happening was a compelling idea, poorly executed. I went into that cinema with my eyes open, I’d known that many people were criticising the movie, but I was still hoping that I would enjoy it. Either that or that it would be “so bad that it was good”.
The basic plot is that suddenly random groups of people in the North-Eest region of the USA commit suicide, seeming due to an airbourne virus. Mark Wahlberg plays Elliot Moore, a science teacher trying to escape the threat along with his wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel), fellow teacher Julian (John Leguizamo) and Julian’s young daughter Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez).
From reading other reviews of the film I have discovered that the version shown in the UK (and also Germany) had the goriest scenes edited (e.g. the man with the lawnmower and the guy with the lions), which explains why the film is only a 12A here (i.e. children can see it with an adult) but received an R-rating in America.
So what did I like about the movie?
Well I appreciated the early scene when the construction workers were jumping off the scaffolding, that was very frightening. I found it interesting that in order to produce empathy there would (nearly) always be one person who was aware of what was happening to the people around them, so that we could experience the fear and confusion in their expressions. I liked John Leguizamo’s character, so I was sad that he couldn’t have had more scene time.
And what didn’t I like?
Well the dialogue was awful, really dire. I’m wondering if Wahlberg and Deschanel signed up to this film without reading the script, and couldn’t back out of doing when they realised how crappy it was as they seemed to have given up by the second half of the movie.
I’ve never seen Zooey Deschanel in anything before, but her character was so irritating and whiney and dumb. Just the fact that Elliot was supposed to be married to her made me hate him too. For instance, the bit near the end of the movie, when Elliot calls to Alma and tells her to close the windows and doors (to avoid the airbourne virus that they’ve been running from for the entire movie) she asks him why? And when she turns her nose up at the hot dogs?
There was no chemistry between those two either. I was more worried about the cute kid killing herself to get away from them than anything actually happening to them.
I cringed during the scene where people on the other side of the field started dying and Alma demands that Elliot helps them. While we endure an extended close-up of his flairing nostrils he cries, “Give me a minute! Give me a minute!”
I didn’t like that they made the recluse lady so creepy, but the actress who played her was very convincing.
It could have been hilarious tension relief when Elliiot tried to talk to the (rubber) plant, but it just came over like another idiotic gesture.
All in all, it was a disappointment for me. I know some people out there will say that the script and acting were deliberately bad, and that it’s an absurdist masterpiece, etc. - well I’m glad that they got something out of it.
Urban Recluse Rating:
Overdosing on sentiment
Sunday, 29th June 2008, 2:32amI’ve nearly finished a double Mills and Boon book by Penny Jordan which I just started this evening after coming home from the cinema (I saw Wanted). I took a break to clear the junk off my bed and this song popped into my head. When I typed the title into youtube I found a live performance of the song on a moving bus, which is unbelievably cool.
I also love the fact that she’s strumming a tiny spanish/classical guitar, it’s just so perfect.
Vid: I Feel it All by Feist
Number One Fan
Friday, 27th June 2008, 7:14pmIn his book On Writing, Stephen King talks about finding your ideal reader, your fantasy audience condensed into a single person. This person could be real or imagined, but real is usually preferable.
For my blogging I don’t have a single person in mind when I’m writing, I’m writing to amuse myself and hoping that other people will enjoy reading my thoughts. And judging from the comments I receive, not many people who end up here are much like me, but we’re still having fun together.
However, if I were writing a novel, I’d have to be more focused about my audience. The person who’d walk out of WH Smith with a Silhouette Intrigue probably wouldn’t go for a Martina Cole crime novel, and so on. If I were writing a niche blog I’d also have to think about this issue seriously, but here the rules don’t apply. Welcome to my world.
Princess
Thursday, 26th June 2008, 1:27amMy mum ordered a new mattress for my bed, as the old one was past its prime. I didn’t pay much attention to it when she showed it to me in the catalogue, but now it’s here I’m rather overwhelmed by its splendour.
The old one was made by Silentnight, and was pretty firm. When we have visitors they often comment on how comfy it is. The new one is by Rest Assured, and is twice the thickness of the old one. I almost have to leap onto it.
Now I feel almost like the Princess who had to sleep on 20+ mattresses to prove her royalty. Only difference is, that I doubt that I’d feel a pea under my 28cm mattress.
Hulk Smash
Monday, 23rd June 2008, 9:35pmSPOILERS FOLLOW
The movie started with a brief montage showing how an experiment gone wrong turned Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) into the Hulk, and put his lover Betty Ross (Liv Tyler) in the hospital.
We catch up with Banner, who is lying low in Rio De Janeiro, working in a Guarana bottling factory. He also works on his self-control by practising Aikido, and breathing techniques (I loved the instructor’s impressive diaphragm movements).
Unfortunately, despite his best efforts, General Ross (William Hurt) tracks him down, which leads to an amazing chase scene through the favelas (with occasional brief rests to stop himself from Hulking-out). Finally Bruce is cornered in the bottling factory, and out of options he gives in to the rage.
The first appearance of the Hulk was amazing, in the dark he seemed even more huge and deadly, and gave the General’s men a good thrashing.
So forced out of hiding he moves on and returns to Virginia where he is spotted by Betty, who was apparently in love with another guy but drops him like a hot rock as soon as Banner shows up (and strangely he didn’t seem too angry about it).
Meanwhile, hardcore soldier Emil Blonsky (born Russian, bred in Britain - Tim Roth), who was lucky not to get pulverised in the Rio factory, wants a piece of the Hulk and convinces Gen. Ross to pump him full of super soldier serum. Emil gets the chance to try out his enhancements when the General tracks Banner down again at a college campus, and he actually does pretty well against the Hulk (for a minute).
I enjoyed the scene with the Hulk and Betty in the cave, though it reminded me slightly of King Kong. Somehow those quieter scenes made me more aware that Liv Tyler would have had to imagine the CGI Hulk, that he would have been slotted in after her performance. Despite that, the scene helped to show the Hulk as a more sympathetic. more human character. The love between Bruce and Betty is vital to the movie, as without it we’d just have a 2-hour soulless CGI-powered wrestlemania bout, plus she’s the only one who can connect with the Hulk, which is handy.
So later on, Blonsky wants another shot at the Hulk and gets himself turned into the Abomination, who is larger and more powerful than the Hulk. By this time we’re in New York (of course) which becomes victim to the Abomination’s tantrum. So in an echo of the death of the Hulk in the series, Banner jumps out of a helicopter, but survives to fight the Abomination.
During that last fight scene I liked the bit when fire threatens Betty and despite his hands being full, the Hulk does some kind of hand clap and puts out the fire. What I didn’t like was when Betty told him to stop his choke-hold - which was an anticlimax for me.
At the end there’s an open ending, and the potential for a sequel, which I’d definitely go to see. Overall I really enjoyed the movie; it wasn’t perfect but it was a fantastic interpretation of this modern Jekyll and Hyde story. I really appreciated Edward Norton in his role, as he personified the cerebral scientist who contrasts so much physically and emotionally with the Hulk. I wasn’t totally into Liv Tyler, who seemed too sweet at times. William Hurt was pretty good, quite intimidating. Tim Roth was intense, and increasingly creepy as his body changed during the movie. (Interesting that though the Hulk looks like a big green human, Blonsky looks like a misshapen reptile hybrid with protruding bits…) The main source of humour is the character of Samuel Sterns, an eccentric scientist who has an important role in the plot.
Other things that stuck in my mind:
- In Rio, why did Banner have to come across his pretty co-worker while she was undressed? Bit of a cheap way to perk up the horny lads.
- I liked the scene in Mexico when he bought some trousers and asked if she had stretchier ones.
- My friend noted that the first two times that Banner changed into the Hulk we only see a portion of his body, thereby maximising the tension of his metamorphosis. It was only later in Sterns’s lab that we see the full change.
And the essential cameos and self-referential bits:
- Stan Lee in an amusing bit
- Lou Ferrigno as a pizza-loving security guard, and the voice of the Hulk
- The late Bill Bixby from the original series in a dubbed tv show (blink and you’ll miss it)
Plus the well-publicised Tony Stark scene (I also noted the Stark Industries logo during the opening credits). - When he tries to say, “Don’t make me angry, you won’t like me when I’m angry’ in Portuguese - and fails amusingly.
And here’s a funny video review of the movie that I found:
Find more videos like this on The Spill.com Movie Community
Urban Recluse Rating:
