A couple of weeks ago I went to see Get Smart with a friend. About 30 minutes into the movie, the screen went black, the lights came on and an ominous voice told us that there was an emergency in the building and we had to leave immediately.

Down and down countless flights of stairs until we reached street level. As we were ejected into the street we felt the rain on our faces and felt even more wretched, until we noticed the people from the gym next door who’d had to evacuate the building in their workout clothes, or with just a swimming costume and towels to protect their modesty.

So we waited around with more than hundred others for perhaps half an hour, while firemen came and checked out the reported gas leak. Then we were allowed back in, but some nice person had decided to continue our movie before we were able to enter the screen. I don’t think we missed more than about 5 minutes, but it was a bit rude. Then we sat back down and watched the rest of the movie. As we left the screen we were given free tickets to see another film. I had already booked my late-night viewing of Hell Boy 2 later that evening, so I just slipped it into my purse and wondered which film I would use it on.

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I hadn’t heard great reviews of Babylon A.D., (indeed its rating on Rotten Tomatoes is only 7%), but I guess I was in the mood for a silly action movie, and it was free.

Vin Diesel plays Toorop, a mercenary based in Eastern Europe in a post-apocalyptic scenario. He takes on the job of conveying a package to the USA, a package which turns out to be a beautiful young woman called Aurora (Mélanie Thierry). Aurora grew up in a convent, and is to be accompanied by Sister Rebeka, a nun played by Michelle Yeoh. Toorop is unconcerned by the nature of the package; his only concern is completing the job so he can enter the United States again (he was banned for being branded a terrorist). During their journey we discover that Aurora is not quite your average girl. There was also some stuff about a deadly virus, an evil cult, immaculate conception and artificial intelligence, but by that time my brain had mostly switched off, and I couldn’t get my head around it all.

Anyway, the plot wasn’t really important in this movie. Neither was the acting. Vin Diesel played nearly the same guy we’ve seen in XXX, The Fast and The Furious, and The Riddick movies. You know, the tough, disillusioned guy who doesn’t trust anyone.

Michelle Yeoh didn’t have much of a character to work with, though I liked her line: “I can defend myself.” Mélanie Thierry, with her wide-set eyes and sensual mouth, looked as angelic as her character should have been. I enjoyed Gerard Depardieu’s brief appearance as Gorsky, the guy who hired Toorop for the job.

What really set this movie apart for me was its visual excellence. The contrast between the dreadful poverty in Eastern Europe, and the modernity of the USA was striking. The landscapes were amazing too. I enjoyed the scenes when the submarine broke through the ice, the snowmobile fight against the flying drones, and the following clip which shows some impressive Parkour moves from the people who try to abduct Aurora in the nightclub.

I also liked the cut which dissected the wings of the beast tattooed into Diesel’s back (you can see it in one of the above pics), and the line of snow which slowly descended from a railing in the background of a chase scene.

Apparently the director, Mathieu Kassovitz, was very unhappy with the 70 minutes cut from the movie by the studio and apparently has called the final movie “pure violence and stupidity.” I wonder if a director’s cut will be released for the DVD, and whether it might bring some needed coherence to this movie.

Urban Recluse Rating: