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Walking the Plank

Sunday, August 31st, 2008

My mother tried to befriend me a few hours after her comment, as she always does after she says something to upset me. I told her off.

I said that she couldn’t have it both ways, that she couldn’t put me down then act like we’re friends. That she couldn’t be both my enemy and my friend. I said that she was a drama queen; that it was all about her feelings, not mine. I said that she took me for granted. I said that there were no children in our house, we were all adults and that I should be treated as such.

I don’t know if she really heard what I was saying, but it was good to actually speak my mind for once.

I bought a few newspapers from the corner shop this afternoon and have been looking at rental accommodation. I’d love to have a one bedroom flat, or at least a self-contained studio. I don’t know if I’d be comfortable in a room in a shared house, but I have to keep my options open.

I’m really apprehensive. Though I’ve wanted to move out for years, I wanted to do it when I had a good, stable income and could get a mortgage on a decent place. Now it feels like I’m repeating the mistake I made 6 years ago, except that I don’t have a boyfriend encouraging me to move in with him this time around.

Perhaps that is the difference. This is something I’m doing alone, for no one else’s sake or benefit. Maybe this is the life change that I need to propel myself forward, once and for all. If it all goes to hell, so be it.

Written by PJ | Posted in my life

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10 Responses to “Walking the Plank”

  1. 1
    Dale:

    3:03 am on 1-Sep-08

    I have to say, life just suck balls sometimes but good things often do come of change so stay open and it doesn’t cost to look around at least. Hang tough PJ.

  2. 2
    PJ:

    9:47 pm on 1-Sep-08

    Thanks Dale, I really appreciate your support.

  3. 3
    ghostlyvision:

    1:51 am on 2-Sep-08

    Hi PJ,

    I have only read limited amounts of your site so far but from what I have read I find it hard to believe someone who has traveled so extensively has a problem with moving away from home?

    And owning a home is not the end all to having what you want in life. Take it from a confirmed renter for all of my adult life. I like the freedom to pick up and go at any stage I choose and have no commitment to property.

    And, as a Mom myself … I am wondering if your Mom is not making life so easy for you because she is trying to help you. I love my children but some day they have to leave the nest.. really, for good.

    Just keep in mind that “no” is sometimes the best answer.

  4. 4
    c.s.:

    7:48 am on 2-Sep-08

    whatever you do that makes you happier, go fo it. :wink:

  5. 5
    Paige:

    8:24 pm on 2-Sep-08

    Sounds like you are having quite a time of it. {{hug}}

    To move out or not to move out that is the question. It’s something I’m thinking about at the moment and it’s a scary thought – going out there on your own.

    But sometimes you need to do something like this for personal growth.

    I just have to pluck up the courage!

  6. 6
    Paige:

    8:28 pm on 2-Sep-08

    Just noticed I put the wrong link for that comment! Whoops! :roll:

  7. 7
    Captain Incredible:

    11:22 pm on 4-Sep-08

    I lived at home a long time before I got my own place, and I have to say it was a good move.

    Not that I didn’t get on with my family, though there were the usual frictions, but it was just time, y’know?

    I actually think I get on better with them better now – especially my parents, who began to see me more as my own man than as their son, if that makes sense?

    But whatever you do, it’ll be right for you.

    Trust your instincts.

  8. 8
    Liane Spicer:

    11:15 pm on 6-Sep-08

    My experience is: once you live in your parents’ home, no matter what your age, you’re a child to them. It’s not their fault, really. They’re hard-wired that way. I for one get along much better with my mother when we’re not living under the same roof.

  9. 9
    PJ:

    7:40 pm on 8-Sep-08

    Thanks for all of your comments. I really appreciate your advice and support.

    ghostlyvision: I love to travel, but I worry about the longterm implications of moving out during these turbulent times in the UK economy.

    I moved out once before several years ago and had to return when things went downhill; I want the next time I move out to be forever so I’d like to make sure it’s not the wrong decision at this time. My mum gives me a hard time because she doesn’t like the way I look, she’s exactly the same with my brother who’s also overweight and lives in the house that she sold him. He just doesn’t let her bother him like I do.

    I appreciate that there is a feeling of freedom when renting, but all my life I’ve been told to invest in property, that renting is throwing away money, etc. It’s hard to move out of that way of thinking.

    Paige: thanks, it is a leap,

    Capt: the last time I moved out, my relationship with my mum did improve. I definitely felt like she treated me like an adult. She even apologised for something!

    Liane: Too true.

  10. 10
    Captain Incredible:

    9:34 pm on 8-Sep-08

    Don’t think of it as a plank – more a springboard to better things.

    You’re strong enough to have “been there, done that”, so you know what it’s like, and you have to agree that having one’s own place is the best of things. I was fortunate enough to have been able to buy (one-bed apt, no car space) at a good price, but whether renting or buying, the feeling of independence (and that’s what it’s about, isn’t it?) has to be the same.

    And remember, as 007 says, the second time is “Yes, considerably…”

    And on we go…