Changing
Sunday, August 31st, 2008
I’ve wanted to be someone else for as long as I can remember. I think that’s even one of my motivations for writing about fictional characters.
Everything about me seemed wrong, even my name invited teasing from my schoolmates. Then I started overeating when I was aged seven, I put on weight and my body developed early. I remember being the tallest person in school when I was ten years old, and I even remember consciously deciding to hunch my shoulders in a silly attempt to hide my chest.
During my teens I would decide to start a diet every Monday, but by Tuesday the diet would be forgotten. I tried eliminating certain foods from my diet, or I allowed myself a little bit of what I liked and found that I couldn’t stop myself once I’d had a bite.
I had a few successes too. In my early 20s I tried Weight Watchers and lost eight pounds in the first week. I lost interest in it after a while though; the meetings bored me and if I didn’t attend them I was effectively paying just to get weighed.
I went to see a Lighter Life counsellor once, but couldn’t afford the fees, and didn’t really feel that eating prepared food packs was going to teach me how to maintain a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life.
The only times I’ve lost a proper amount of weight were when I was working in a library in 2001 (being a library assistant is actually pretty physical work) and when I went to the gym fairly regularly between 2004-2006, and worked with personal trainers. Even then I still had some weight left to lose, but I felt better about myself.
I read about different strategies for losing weight, but none of them really resonated with me until I read this book called Shrink Yourself. Now I’ve read books about emotional eating before, but this was the first one that really touched on issues that I’d encountered, like self-sabotage. Each time I’ve lost weight I’ve felt that I could reward myself by eating junk food.
That’s one of my biggest problems actually. I reward myself with food for just getting through the day, when I should be rewarding myself in a healthier way for actually achieving something.
I’ve always felt that my life won’t improve until I become slimmer. This belief has held me back from doing a lot of things, and I’m fed up of it.
I’m tired of saying to myself, “When I’m slim I’ll …”
I’m tired of feeling unhappy when I look in the mirror or sit on a packed train.
I’m tired of hiding in the shadows of my life.
I want my looks to reflect my personality. In short, I want to be gorgeous inside and out.
But how will I do it? Have any of you lose weight? Does anyone have any advice?
4:20 pm on 31-Aug-08
Seems like you’ve tried a lot of the usual things to start. Everyone else has their own issues so stay with the being yourself thing.
Have you considered getting back into the gym? It often helps if you have someone to buddy up with and motivate each other too. Or save your money and get a Wii Fit, then it seems like more fun. Love, a non-expert.
11:26 pm on 31-Aug-08
I am thinking of going back to the gym. I can exercise here but it’s awkward sometimes. Thanks, Dale.
12:30 am on 2-Sep-08
I lost sixty pounds over the course of two years, and the advice I have is that your lifestyle changes have to be permanent – apparently it takes two weeks to form a habit, by the way. I know that’s a lot easier said than done, but stop thinking about Monday’s diet and start thinking about the next decision. The “new day” is this moment, not tomorrow’s.
It’s helped me resist the urge to walk over to Dairy Queen for a blizzard. And if it doesn’t do that, it’s made me satisfied with a dipped cone instead.
1:15 am on 2-Sep-08
Hi Kathryn, thanks so much for your comment. Well done on losing so much weight. I’m not planning to do one of those diets, but just trying to eat more healthily and exercise regularly. And I’ll take it one day at a time. Regretting the past and worrying about the future haven’t helped me so far.
3:40 pm on 2-Sep-08
I’ve lost 8 pounds in the last month since I discovered a website called sparkpeople.com. It’s totally FREE (paid for by ads, you just have to ignore them–there are no pop-ups)! And they have all the same resources that expensive programs have. You can enter your own recipes and it will tell you exactly how many calories and all other nutrients are in your recipe. You can track your food and exercise online–so much easier than writing on paper. You tell them your basic stats, like height, weight, gender and age, and then they tell you how many calories you should eat per day, and what percent should be fat, carbs, protein, etc. You have the option of choosing from a variety of food plans they give you, or not using any of them, and just tracking what you normally eat. It makes it impossible to lie to yourself. They have hundreds of hugely helpful articles and free online exercise videos. You can create your own “Sparkpage” where you can track your weight loss, upload pictures, blog, track friends and teams, etc. Oh, yeah, they have spark teams which are groups you can join based on common interests or lifestyles. My city had its own spark team, and I met with a group of people in person last week, and we hiked a mile around a park together. I can honestly say that finding Sparkpeople was the single most lifechanging event I’ve ever experienced outside of getting married and becoming a mom. Go for it! I also agree with the person who said your lifestyle changes have to be permanent. Spark people helps you do that. They have a huge section for maintainers.
7:20 pm on 3-Sep-08
I’d agree with Dale that the first step is accepting yourself for who you are. That’s also the hardest step but I think it’s the most important. I don’t think a person can successfully shed pounds if what they are really trying to shed is self-hatred. After that I have no great suggestions–find an activity you love doing because that’s the easiest thing to maintain. Or set a goal–running a marathon, for instance–where weight loss is a side effect rather than the purpose.
One approach to life that I like that can be applied to many things is the concept of “controlled extravagence”. Instead of trying to eat a small amount of something you love (because, obviously, that approach isn’t working for you), instead give yourself permission to indulge guilt free every once in a while. The occasional bad food choice won’t hurt you and knowing that you can have that ice cream in a couple days without consequence might make it easier to not have it today with a sense of failure.