Blogging ASBO
Thursday, August 23rd, 2007It’s Wednesday night, so I can safely say that whatever WMD that J.D. launched against me was unsuccessful.
For this reason I am going to reduce this blog’s threat level from Critical (an attack is expected imminently) to Moderate. (an attack is possible, but not likely) And I’ve sacked the bodyguard (or demoted him to boyfriend status anyway).
In Britain the authorities give out Anti-Social Behaviour Orders (ASBOs) to menaces like J.D. Unfortunately they are often brandished as medals of honour by these hoodie-wearing hooligans, but the thought is there.
I have decided that it is my duty as a responsible blogger to give the blogverse’s first ASBO to J.D. for Mac-hatred, preparation or conspiracy to commit a terrorist offence and general acts of deviancy. Let us hope that this badge of shame will encourage him to change his ways for the better.
I sent one of my minions to deliver the ASBO document to J.D. in person and to ask him whether he was ready to apologise, unfortunately his only response was the following lewd gesture:
I’m not worried though, this is just stage one. If he doesn’t play fair I shall simply up the ante. I have friends in high places who aren’t as nice as me…
1:53 am on 23-Aug-07
I said no such thing! And I don’t have a hoodie. And I’m not a “hooligan.” More like, “Evil genius in training.”
And I will place the badge on my blog with honour. So skew you lady!
["Welcome to the Black Parade" plays while I triumphantly exit]
2:02 am on 23-Aug-07
Oh, and what were the results from the bomb squad you sent?
2:35 am on 23-Aug-07
You did say that you’d sent me something which you shouldn’t have, and that I shouldn’t stay at home on Tuesday…
Well, no suspicious packages turned up, so the bomb squad weren’t called. I don’t like to waste the police’s time as I am a law-abiding citizen, unlike certain miscreants.
“Evil genius in training?” You wish.
3:32 am on 23-Aug-07
I sent it… damn. Where do you live? I think I might have sent it to Moscow…
8:12 pm on 23-Aug-07
I’m not one of those people who will just sit there and see a picture of a dog like that, even an incredibly cute one (like that), and just coo and yell “Puppy!” even though no one else is home and say “Aaaaawwwww.” I am not one of them. So there. I didn’t do any of those things. Not me.
11:12 pm on 23-Aug-07
That pic of the Queen is priceless.
What do I have to do to get one of those ABSO’s?
12:55 am on 24-Aug-07
J.D.: I don’t live in Moscow, that’s all you need to know.
SF: um… okay then…
Dr M: nobody wants to get an ASBO! You have to behave like an uncivilised hooligan to get one. Either that or just piss me off.