Video: American Boy by Estelle feat. Kanye West

My gay friend Miguel and I have been frequenting a particular restaurant for at least a year now, because it’s close to my workplace and his home, and because they serve good food at cheap prices. The woman who runs the place is also very nice when we see her. For a while last year they were using a waitress who was quite unfriendly and seemed to hate her job. Then one day Miguel and I entered the restaurant and saw a really cute guy behind the counter.
“Hi,” he greeted us in an American accent. “Have a seat.”
Miguel and I grinned at each other. It was a very enjoyable meal.

A couple of weeks later I visited the restaurant for a lunch takeaway. I’d forgotten all about the nice waiter, but as I entered he greeted me and said that my friend had been back there about 4 or 5 times since he’d last seen me. I was quite surprised that the guy even remembered me, and bemused that Miguel had been back so often…

So that night I called Miguel to get the gossip, and he was quite non-committal about it. After some prodding he muttered something about the guy asking him if he was my boyfriend. He answered that we were just friends. That was all I could get out of him about it, I guess he was feeling rejected.

So I would continue to go there maybe once or twice a week for lunch, sometimes with Miguel, sometimes alone. He was always polite and friendly, but I also had the feeling that there was more to it. I overheard the bosslady calling him Ricky*, which was handy. I started to develop a crush on him, but for me a crush is like a fire which needs kindling to prevent it burning out. As his interest in me didn’t move beyond a certain level after a while I told myself that perhaps I was misinterpreting his friendliness.

I had a couple of weeks away from work over the Christmas period. Then on 2 January I stopped at the restaurant on the way to Miguel’s house to get us both some food. He commented that he’d never seen me at night before, and seemed pleased to see me. I got the final confirmation that he was straight when I heard him telling someone about how he’d rebuffed a gay guy who was flirting with him.

So then about two weeks ago I went there alone for lunch and he grinned at me. “So, you’re into computing I hear?”
“Yes, how did you know that?” Of course I knew that Miguel must have told him. Apparently he and Miguel had discussed my day job and my part-time activities the night before. So then he asked me all of these questions about my internet work, and I ended up giving him the url of one of them to check out (not this one, of course).

The next day at work I checked my personal email inbox and found a strange email which I initially thought was spam. When I read it properly I realised it was from Ricky. He’d sent me loads of tips on how to promote my website, but he was apparently drunk when he sent it. When I went back there for lunch he said that he’d wondered if I would ever return there after seeing that email.

That night while I was online he sent me another email about my site. I replied straight away and we got into a conversation via email. While it was mostly focused on my site promotion, I also asked him about himself and found out some facts about his life in America. The next day, he indicated in an email that he was surprised about what he’d revealed to me (as was I actually). We exchanged a couple more brief emails later on in the week, but no major revelations or declarations of feeling occurred.

Then last week he saw me all dolled-up with makeup, etc. as I was in the middle of organising my colleague’s leaving party that evening and needed a snack to keep me going, and some food for Miguel too. Ricky seemed impressed by my sexy evening look, which was flattering. Miguel later remarked that the portion we’d received was a lot more than usual, and suggested that Ricky was giving me special treatment. He made the same comment again last Tuesday when we weren’t charged for our drinks.

At this point I’m not sure what to do or think about this guy. Is he just being friendly, or does he want more? My low self-esteem tells me that he’s not into me romantically (what could he possibly see in me?), but there’s a part of me that hopes that he is. I haven’t dated in such a long time, I’m probably doing all the wrong things anyway.

Update (lunchtime 26 Jan 09) - Just had lunch there again. He’s changed his hair and looked really cute. He was friendly as usual, but I can’t tell his intentions. I’m so confused, feeling like such a girl. Damn.

Written by PJ | Posted in my life

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