It’s Wednesday night, so I can safely say that whatever WMD that J.D. launched against me was unsuccessful.

For this reason I am going to reduce this blog’s threat level from Critical (an attack is expected imminently) to Moderate. (an attack is possible, but not likely) And I’ve sacked the bodyguard (or demoted him to boyfriend status anyway).

In Britain the authorities give out Anti-Social Behaviour Orders (ASBOs) to menaces like J.D. Unfortunately they are often brandished as medals of honour by these hoodie-wearing hooligans, but the thought is there.

I have decided that it is my duty as a responsible blogger to give the blogverse’s first ASBO to J.D. for Mac-hatred, preparation or conspiracy to commit a terrorist offence and general acts of deviancy. Let us hope that this badge of shame will encourage him to change his ways for the better.

I sent one of my minions to deliver the ASBO document to J.D. in person and to ask him whether he was ready to apologise, unfortunately his only response was the following lewd gesture:

I’m not worried though, this is just stage one. If he doesn’t play fair I shall simply up the ante. I have friends in high places who aren’t as nice as me…

Evil blogging terrorist J.D. has issued me with a warning

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So I’ve decided to create a bionic woman out of cheap fake leather bags. It’s not such a strange idea, is it? I’ve already got the torso sorted out:

I just need to get the proportions right, then find her a suitable head, neck, and limbs and we’re all set. I’ll plug her into the electrical supply to animate her, then I’ll use her super strength to put an end to world conflict. My bag lady will rule the world…

After my last adventure in destroying junk food before I am tempted to devour it, I’ve decided to get professional about it and recreate my GCSE Science classroom.

My mum has a blowtorch somewhere. I need to locate it.

I need some goggles.

A bunsen burner would be cool, but probably unnecessary.

I need an apron, or one of those industrial blacksmith ensembles.

Maybe this is too much hassle…