Just wanted to comment on a couple of moments from tonight’s episode; it was quite a funny one.

Danielle didn’t seem to know the difference between a lemon and a melon, so let’s clear up this confusion for her.

<< MELON | LEMON>>

Despite the relative sizes of the fruit in the pics, please note that a melon (left pic) is usually much larger than a lemon. You were shooting at melons, as lemons wouldn’t be so easy to aim at.

Someone else mentioned that a pigeon is like a bird. This revelation might shock you, but I must inform you that pigeons are actually a kind of bird. They have wings and everything, and they’re not bats. (Some people may refer to them as “flying rats” but they are actually part of the same family as doves.)

Meanwhile, Larissa’s desperation seems to know no bounds. In this episode she deep-throats a banana to demonstrate her worth as a girlfriend…

Then she gave Alexy a quick massage when asked why he should take her out for a date (again). He took the bait and appeared to be getting very close to her in the hot tub… He looked like the cat who got the cream while he was in there with the other girls too, enjoying underwater footsie, hand-holding, and backside caresses. It’s all getting rather indecent at the farm.

Chantelle was sent home at the end, for not playing along with the challenges. I can’t blame her really, I wouldn’t want to skin a rabbit or pluck a pigeon for dinner… She was a real character, I don’t think the show will be quite the same without her pouting.

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I don’t know who is going to be the winner of Dirty Cows, but according to this article, the hostess has kept the meal to herself. Yep, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Alexy Van Kimmenade are dating, and were getting close even during the filming of the show!

I had a feeling that there was some chemistry between them, and the very perceptive Salty predicted it in a recent comment, but I wouldn’t have expected them to get together so soon…

It’s Mr Right all over again! Though let’s hope it doesn’t have the same ending.

I’ll still watch the show for its bitchiness and entertainment value, but I don’t think I’ll bother with the blow-by-blow reviews, unless anyone really wants me to continue.

Disclaimer: my lawyers have asked me to confirm that Alexy, Tara and Living TV all deny that T&A are dating…

Maybe an alternative title for this particular episode should be The Larissa Show…

Larissa admitted that Alexy had snogged her, but there were “no tongues”… Alexy said to Tara that “Larissa is lust”…

This week’s challenge for our dirty cows would be based on their participation in the local village fête to raise funds for the church roof.

Tara decided to divide the eight remaining girls into two groups of four based on that eternal division: blondes vs brunettes. The blondes would make cornish pasties, and the brunettes would make strawberry jam to sell at the fête.

During a talk with a member of the community, the lady said that the aim was to raise £3,000, which apparently wasn’t much in London but was a lot to them. A couple of the girls nodded at that statement, which made it clear to me that some of these girls are living a completely different life from someone like me. Trust me, £3,000 is a lot of money to this London girl!

Then the girls got down to work. One of the blondes remarked that “[she] works better on her knees” – I shall make no comment on that statement!

Later on the girls played Spin the Bottle with Tara (not the kissing version, but the truth-telling one). At this point most of the girls suggested that Larissa was the biggest flirt of them all and the sexiest one. Larissa admitted that she hated being single, which was a surprise for Tara based on Larissa’s confident attitude so far.

A while later Larissa (supported by Judi) addressed the camera on her own and cried a little, saying that the other girls were being harsh on her.

The next day she wore less makeup and wore more appropriate clothing. She seemed rather more subdued and self-conscious.

In contrast Tara looked very striking in an elegant black outfit, with a large hat and several strings of pearls around her neck.

Part of the second part of the challenge, selling the food that they’d made, was being friendly, assertive saleswomen. The rain didn’t stop the girls from flirting with the local men – though none of them were as hot as Alexy.

The brunettes didn’t have much luck with their jam, as they realised that most of the locals made their own. Even with that setback, the blondes attempted to sabotage them by telling potential customers that the jam was laced with pesticides…

The blondes sold the most, offloading lots of their “nasty pasties”, and were rewarded with a round at the pub while the brunettes were left to help with cleaning up at the end of the fête.

Ms Cardiff Claire won a date with Alexy, which was a private pottery lesson with him. (Of course Larissa said again how envious she was about it.) Alexy and Claire were both making tentative overtures during their date, admitting their mutual attraction. They ended up play-fighting with the clay, then as they wiped it off he swooped in for a snog.

When Claire returned to the Cowshed she was ill-prepared for the interrogation that she received from the others. It got a bit catty for a few minutes, but as they say, all’s fair in love and war!

Later Judi was eliminated from the competition, as Alexy didn’t feel any chemistry between them. Some of the girls were sad about her departure as she had been such a positive influence in the house. Ironically Judi had predicted her own elimination during the Spin the Bottle game, when asked who would leave the house next she had diplomatically given her own name.

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