I was doing really well until Monday, when I gorged on sweet stuff from the bakery between meetings at work. I’m not too surprised, it’s natural to have bad days, but I need to pick myself up and carry on as before.

Dirk has been relentless in his pursuit of me this week. He came to see me at my workplace to talk things over again. He feels some guilt, but not enough to stop him from pursuing me. When I’m with him I am so weak-willed, I hate myself for it. I was flattered by his attentions, but it would be wrong to proceed further. He is serious about wanting to sleep with me. It’s a slippery road to travel, and I feel that I have more understanding of why some women are tempted to take the next step.

Yesterday afternoon I was coming out of the supermarket near my workplace when I saw Dirk*, the married man, approaching me. After we’d exchanged pleasantries he asked me if I’d like to keep him company next Friday while he repaints the cafe.

“Next Friday?” I said. “As in Good Friday?“
“Yeah.”
“Err..right.”

Don’t worry. I know.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Lao Tzu.

Another good day.

At lunchtime I went to Miguel’s house for lunch with him, his mate Charlene and her 4 year old, Tim. Charlene was that girl who told me about her sexual exploits on New Year’s Day. She relished the opportunity to update me on her night with the 21 year old lad (she’s 28). Let’s just say that she was impressed by his youthful vigour and stamina!

For want of any sexy exploits to share with her, I told her the sorry tale of the married man. She seemed disappointed that I hadn’t had sex with him! (And I thought my male friends were bad!)

I went home at six on the dot. I hope my boss doesn’t think I’m a clock-watcher. I like to leave on time cos it takes me an hour to get home and the evening is nearly over by 7pm. I have stayed late several times too, so it’s not like I don’t put the time in sometimes. My time at the uni taught me to be stricter with myself about not letting work take over my life.

Talking about the uni, they’ve finally paid me for that overtime that they owed me. Somehow I was taxed £85 out of a £400 payout, which doesn’t seem fair.

Last night I decided that I am spending too much time online and need to cut it down a bit. So tonight I didn’t turn my laptop on until almost 9pm. At 8pm I continued with my Creative Writing Therapy course on the Alphasmart Neo. It took me a while to get used to the Neo, but I think we’re starting to get on. Once I’d readjusted the keyboard settings, I felt like an old-school writer on a modern typewriter. I liked it.

Yesterday was a good day.

I went to bed early on Thursday night, determined to have a decent night’s sleep. I woke up refreshed and ready for action.

Work went well. I got a lot done. Had a good meeting with my manager. My colleague didn’t annoy me too much. All was well. My colleagues got me a belated birthday bunch of flowers, which was really sweet and totally unexpected. I’d never been given flowers before.

I passed by the married guy’s cafe for a cup of tea as I hadn’t been there for a while. They gave me a little chocolate cake for my birthday too. I shared it out for everyone there (except him!). I saw his wife, a small Filipina woman. Later on, he whispered to me that he wanted to “screw me shitless!” (That’s romance for you!) Then he asked me how many boyfriends I’ve had. (Why does everyone want to know that?) My answer: “not many”.

Later on I went to Miguel’s house and heard all of his woes. Saw his room-mate who reminds me of my ex and freaks me out slightly. Hung out there for a few hours then went home.

I don’t have any plans for the weekend; I’m hoping that my dad will deign to come to the cinema with me to see 300. He hasn’t been to the cinema in decades.

I need to do some studying; my photography tutor emailed me a couple of days ago for an update on my progress. (What progress? I’m in retrograde!)

There are some short uni courses related to mythology and “wickedness” that I’m thinking of starting next month. I could probably teach a course in wickedness!

I think I need some romance in my life in order to get over the married guy. I need a nice single guy to sweep me off my feet.

I saw him again today. (I’ll call him “Dirk” from now on.) He apologised for taking advantage of me and offending me with his advances. However, in the next breath he told me how much he was still lusting after me…

I’m not asking for that much, so I wonder why I haven’t met anyone suitable in the last 26 years. My ideal guy would be:

• • 26-33 years old
• • Taller than me (I’m 5ft5/165cm)
• • Intelligent, but preferably not too intellectual (my time in the uni put me off intellectuals!)
• • Creatively minded, or at least tolerant of my creative urges
• • Slim or slightly muscular (I’ve dated overweight and skinny guys in the past, but I prefer something in the middle.)
• • A bit adventurous (it would be cool to go on foreign holidays, maybe try out rock climbing, horse riding, skiing, and other fun things together)
• • Open-minded with a quirky sense of humour (cos I’m rather strange sometimes)
• • Working with means to support himself (cos I don’t want to be on Judge Judy some day suing his ass!)
• • Thoughtful, generous, romantic, a gentleman
• • with a cute face and squeezable ass!

I’m not asking for much, am I?

Just realised, I may have to adjust my criteria slightly as Daniel Craig is older than 33… oh well, rules are meant to be bent…