Should I stay or should I go?
Sunday, November 1st, 2009Sorry if you were trying to visit during the last week and had problems viewing the blog – I was changing web hosts and messed things up a little.
I’m thinking about quitting my job tomorrow, but I’m not sure of what else I could do to keep afloat. I’ve been thinking of leaving there for over a year and a half, since before my previous manager left, but I’ve carried on there in the hopes of finding another suitable job. Nothing promising has materialised yet, though I’ve been looking at newspapers and websites.
The trouble is that I don’t want to carry on with admin / reception work; I’ve been working in administration for the past 7 years and I just find it really draining, not to mention unfulfilling.
As an introvert too, I think I find my current job particularly difficult because I’m not naturally good at coping with constant interruptions. I also have a high level of sensitivity, so I often absorb the tensions of others around me. Add an workplace fraught with office politics, and you have my nightmare working environment.
Since my predecessor left in January, I’ve taken on a lot of her duties, and it’s basically impossible to do my job in the hours allocated to it. I’ve been juggling a lot of balls in the air, and it’s inevitable that I’ll drop a ball or two from time to time, and then I get it in the neck. They’ve told me that they can’t pay me overtime when I stay late, so either I give up my own time and stay late to complete various tasks that I wasn’t able to complete earlier due to various interruptions and emergencies, or leave the work undone and get criticised later.
Last week I overheard my manager and a colleague of mine having a laugh at my expense; a few months ago my manager also suggested that I should consider leaving, as I seemed unhappy…
In the current economic climate, I know that I should be happy to have a job, even one that I hate. After all, I only work 3 days a week, and the money is pretty good.
However, I exhaust myself so much when I’m at work that I often end up in bed for much of Thursday and Friday recovering. It has even gotten to the point where I tell friends to call me later in the week as I know I won’t have much energy to be social on my workdays. It stresses me out so much that I often don’t sleep properly, worrying about work issues in the middle of the night.
The idea of working part-time was originally to give me time to write and study, but it hasn’t turned out that way. I had to withdraw from a home study photography course a while ago as I couldn’t focus on it adequately.
A few people have suggested taking time off sick due to stress (like my predecessor did), but I’d rather not do that if I can avoid it. I’d rather leave and get on with my life.
The question is, what can I do next? I’ve been trying to make money online, but the money I’ve been making from my main site has decreased since last year and definitely isn’t enough to replace my earnings. I have several plans for new projects, but my energy levels are so low that I don’t focus on any for much time.
Other than that, I guess that I could look into temping. Maybe just a change of scene would be good for me. I’ve also thought about teaching English abroad, but I don’t think I’d enjoy teaching a class of people. I’ve also signed up to freelancer.com to see if I could get some web design / coding work, but it’s early days yet.
In one way, there aren’t many barriers stopping me from taking a chance; I don’t have to support a family, and I don’t have a mortgage or any real commitments. If I took off tomorrow for Alaska I’d only have to promise my mother to call her everyday.
My fear is that I’ll never leave this job if I don’t give myself a kick up the butt. The thought of leaving and jumping into the unknown is scary, but equally scary is the idea of staying where I am for another year. I have some money saved, so I could manage for a few more months without a job.
A while ago I made myself a promise that I’d leave this job by the end of this year. As I’d need to give them 2 months’ notice of my departure, that brings us to tomorrow.
6:42 pm on 1-Nov-09
Sounds like you’re not having a good time in the job – your manager’s attitude doesn’t help either.
If you were of a mind to, you could consider a case for constructive dismissal in that your working conditions had deteriorated to the point where you felt forced to leave. But I’m not an expert on British employment law, so I can’t advise with any certainty.
One thing’s certain – you’re not happy where you are. So maybe it is time to jump. Especially if it’s something you’ve been planning for a while.
In my job, I have a similar situation in respect to the amount of work – I find myself working until nearly 7pm five days a week, and occasionally having to go in on Saturdays. I enjoy the work, so I don’t mind so much, and I have a good working relationship with my colleagues, which helps.
But at the end of the day, we work to live, not live to work, and one has to draw the line somewhere.
So who knows? Maybe this is the moment you’ve been waiting for?
Whatever you decide, I hope it works out well for you…
6:44 pm on 1-Nov-09
And don’t go to Alaska – Sarah Palin lives there…
6:57 pm on 1-Nov-09
Hi Capt,
Thanks for your kind and thoughtful comments. I guess there could be a case for constructive dismissal, but honestly I’m more in the mindset of getting out and moving on.
I enjoy being engrossed in my work, so I don’t mind putting in some extra time when necessary, but at the moment it feels like it’s not appreciated and so I’m just wasting my time.
Did you see the alternate future proposed in a recent episode of Supernatural which had President Palin in the White House?
7:37 pm on 1-Nov-09
President Palin?
That’s just wrong – on any level
…
As to putting in extra hours, it’s fine so long as it’s recognised, even if that amounts to just a “thanks very much’ from your manager. Obviously overtime would be welcome, or any sense that the effort is appreciated, but if you aren’t getting even that, it doesn’t speak very well of the people you’re working for and it’s not worth it.
But you’re young yet (compared to me, anyhow
) and you have a helluva lot going for you – I mean, anyone who wants to go wolf tracking in Romania has to have imagination and an idea where she wants to go in life – so who knows, this could be your big chance…
Trust your instincts.
I’ll stay tuned…
9:18 pm on 1-Nov-09
Well, it was supposed to be about the end of the world…
Not sure about where I’m going in life, but I’m hopeful that I’ll find my way. I’m still hoping to go wolf tracking at some point, but probably not this year as I need to keep hold of my savings for now.
9:43 pm on 1-Nov-09
It’s never the end, there’s always tomorrow – the question is how many tomorrows can you put up with?
In th’ end it’s up to you…
Whichever choice you make it’ll be the right one – we aren’t part of the US yet :}
10:00 pm on 1-Nov-09
Whatever the choice you end up making, I just hope things get less stressful for you. It sounds like this job is really draining you of your energy and, much worse, your confidence. Jobs can be overly stressful, and it sounds like you’re not really appreciated there. I’d say they don’t deserve to have someone like you working for them.
If you can manage a couple of months, I’d say leave and find something else as soon as you can. I know it’s scary, but I once stayed at a job I hated and ended up in the emergency room from all the stress. I thought I was having a heart attack. Thankfully, it was “just” a panic attack, but it was a real wake-up call. It’s not worth it to do real damage to yourself working with people you hate at a job that doesn’t really sound like it’s ultimately that important to you.
Obviously, it’s your choice to make. That’s just my own perspective. Whatever you do, I just want you to be where you want to be.
10:12 pm on 2-Nov-09
As someone in the thread has indicated, only you can make that decision. Nine years ago I walked out on a job that had become intolerable. You’ve only got one life and you don’t want to spend all your days in an environment that makes you miserable.
That said, remember that making a big change doesn’t mean that life or anything will be easy. I’ve been through hard times and good times since leaving my teaching job (after 22 years!), but I never regret walking away, and I wouldn’t trade the adventures I’ve had along the way for the regular salary and some degree of security.
Speaking of Sarah Palin, has anyone seen this spoof of her book?
http://flcenterlitarts.wordpress.com/2009/10/22/no-way-to-treat-a-lady-upstart-spoofs-palin-autobiography/
11:38 pm on 2-Nov-09
Capt: thanks again.
SamuraiFrog: Thanks, mate. I need to leave this job because I’m worried that I’m on the road to having a nervous breakdown. A little stress can be stimulating from time to time, but a lot of stress on a continual basis will just wear you down until you break.
Sometimes I’ve had to take sleeping pills to stop myself waking up in the early hours worrying about work. A few months ago my doctor offered me Prozac again, but when I wasn’t at work I wouldn’t bother taking them as I felt fine. I don’t think I’ve ever had a full-on panic attack, but there have been times when I’ve felt so overwhelmed by work that I had to leave my desk and go outside to calm down. I know I’m an introvert/reclusive type, but in recent months I only leave the house when I need to go to work – it takes a lot of energy to leave the house as I’m so drained by my job. And there was that time, after a meeting with my manager, when I considered ending it all. No job is worth that.
Liane: Thanks for commenting. I don’t believe that life will be easy after I leave this job; actually I feel like I’ve been selling my soul all this time for a somewhat comfortable existence. The thought of how difficult it would be for me to move forward has kept me there much longer than I would have liked.
It would be so much easier to collect my salary each month and swallow my dreams, but I’m so fed up of being fed up that I have to do something to sort out my life. I’ve tried talking to my managers, I’ve tried various strategies to boost my productivity, but in the end I’m still in a job which makes me ill and deeply unhappy. I just want a fresh start and new challenges.
3:28 am on 5-Nov-09
I can’t give you much advice, but can say I feel your pain. I’m stuck in a job I no longer have any desire to move up in, even though I can. I hate the a lot, but generally can’t leave because they pay me really well and the benefits. But I can’t stand the place.
I’m going through the same decision