I love it! I can only stand people around me for...Getting Through Saturday
Thursday, July 31st, 2008For the last few weeks I’ve had a spectre lurking in the corner of my consciousness. My mum has decided to have a garden party for her birthday on Saturday, and I’m dreading it.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for my mother and want her to enjoy her birthday celebrations, but I am not looking forward to spending a whole day socialising with relatives. Being totally honest, I am particularly not looking forward to being ridiculed about my weight. Two years ago my godmother made a comment about my weight, when I was actually the lightest I’d been for many years. Though she’s not a slim woman she felt it was okay to put me down in front of other people. It hurt me that instead of asking about my job or my interests she felt that this was the only thing she wanted to discuss with me.
Now I’m heavier than I was two years ago, and I fully anticipate that she or someone else will say something about it. I need a strategy to get through the day, to ensure that any such negativity doesn’t drive me crazy.
A few days ago I decided to tell my mum that I was happy to help her to setup the party, but I didn’t want to be there when the guests arrived. She was upset, and said that she wanted me to be there. I told her my worries, and she said that if someone says something hurtful to me I should just smile and make a swift exit.
Do you have any suggestions?
8:44 pm on 31-Jul-08
In this case I’d listen to your mum. Just leave if anyone says anything shitty to you.
9:27 pm on 31-Jul-08
Yes, just smile and leave them. I suppose smacking them in the gob might throw a damper on the afternoon.
9:47 pm on 31-Jul-08
I kinda like Nicholas’ suggestion about smacking ‘em in the gob, but it probably won’t do. I know the kind of relatives you mean – I have lots like that. One uncle I hadn’t seen in many years couldn’t think of anything to say to me except that I could use a few laps around the savannah. He wasn’t looking too good around the middle himself, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that. It just isn’t me.
I tend to avoid vexatious relatives and their dos, but since it’s more important in this case to be there for your mom, you’ll have to grin and bear it, and walk away from anyone particularly obnoxious.
The only comfort I can offer is that these gatherings usually turn out less trying than we anticipate. You might even enjoy yourself. As a matter of fact, resolve to do just that no matter what. Dance and smile and hug and kiss. Don’t give the bastards the power to make you miserable.
10:27 pm on 31-Jul-08
Enjoy the day, in spite of anything and everything, and wish your Mum a Happy Birthday from Neptune…
Also, you could put some laxative chocolate in the Rice Krispie cakes (or similar), which might be good for some laughs (remember The Iron Giant?).
Finally, at times like this I’m reminded of a line from a movie featuring the great Tim Thomerson:
“Be gentle but firm, but above all, be yourself.”
Let us know how you get on…
5:42 pm on 1-Aug-08
Advice from a texan:
First say speaking of weight, where’s the cake. then………..
Instead of bug off! Tell them to f off.
5:10 pm on 3-Aug-08
I always enjoy brainstorming comebacks, though I’m not very good at coming up with ones anyone would actually want to use. But here’s a few to spark ideas.
1. My dear, you’ve put on weight? Oh, my God, I have? I’m a tad bulimic you know and run off covering your mouth. If you so desire, return later to the relative with some mayo smeared around your mouth.
2. I know, this is such a disaster. I went for liposuction yesterday and they suction was set on backwards. Good news is, I’m expecting a large malpractice settlement. Walk away.
3. Yes, I’ve been preparing for a body-building competition. This is all muscle. I could easily throw you across this room. Walk away.
4. Well, I’ve heard that people who are too thin/dieting tend to be very angry/bitchy.
5. It’s true. I’m a gourmet eater. But I’ve heard rumors that you are too thin due to consumption/cancer/syphilis? Can I get you anything to eat?
6. Yes, well, we all have our flaws. Your hair for example: how long has it been falling out like that? Is it some sort of scalp condition? But your eyebrows seem intact. Or, are you sick? Why are you so ghastly pale? Do you want to borrow my blush? Or, your skin has certainly dried out since I last saw you. Is that a sign of something? What are you doing about that?
The goal: communicated caring, create alarm, induce guilt.
xx
2:02 am on 5-Aug-08
Thanks, everyone. Your suggestions really helped me to inject some humour into the situation.