The Grand Gesture
Sunday, February 17th, 2008My friend Miguel called me on Thursday night and told me that he was hanging around a certain area of London, trying to track down the guy that he’s been seeing.
A week or more ago they’d talked about meeting up on Valentine’s Day, but Miguel hadn’t heard from him in several days and couldn’t get through to him on the phone, so he decided to track him down and confront him. The problem was that he only had a vague idea about which of several restaurants was his guy’s workplace, and he also didn’t know the precise house where the guy resided, though he knew the road itself.
I tried to dissuade him from his path of action, especially as it seemed like such a gamble and could make him seem slightly desperate, but Miguel is a stubborn guy, and there was no talking to him.
The next day I met Miguel for lunch, and he told me that after FOUR HOURS of watching and waiting, he did actually find his Romeo. They talked about everything and sorted out the whole nightmare.
I’m glad that Miguel’s plan worked out in the end, but as his friend I was worried that he was opening himself up to being hurt. I just hope that Romeo treats him with respect in the future.
In terms of my own life, no one’s ever put themselves on the line for me. No one’s ever serenaded me, or waited for me for four hours on a cold February night. When my ex proposed to me he didn’t kneel down for me, and he later admitted that he was more concerned about his immigration status than being bound to me forever. I think I’ve only received one Valentine’s card in my life.
So why don’t I induce that kind of passion in a man that would cause him to do a crazy thing to prove his love for me? Am I too reliable, or not girly enough? Does it even matter really?
I’ve been single for nearly 5 years now, and though I’m fairly happy on my own, sometimes I think about how it might feel to share my life with someone else. Someone who might be prepared to love me out loud.
4:41 pm on 17-Feb-08
Hm. I think we all want that, but weirdly enough, the only person I know who does that kind of thing on a regular basis is a gay friend who goes to desperate lengths to track down his various paramours, like chasing the love interest for hours through one carnival band after the other, parking in front of his house for days while he was MIA, checking out each of the guy’s friends trying to run him to earth…
I used to fantasize about grand gestures myself but having survived a nasty encounter or two, I can see the desperation and obsession right off. At least, I hope I can. While that sort of thing can seem charming at first, it has a way of spiraling downward and getting ugly. Really ugly. Your friend will be taken for granted and used if he allows people to treat him with disrespect. But when people are in the throes of infatuation/passion they don’t want to listen to reason.
Maybe you’re better off without the GGs. Your ex sounds like a !@%^. (I’ve wasted big chunks of my life on guys like him.) I’d take a generous helping of sincerity over the grand gesture myself.
6:32 pm on 17-Feb-08
Thanks Liane, a grand gesture can be wonderful if we feel the same way about that person, but if unwanted if can come off like an embarrassing demand for attention.